I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
