mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
