I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
