Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
