I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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