My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
