We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
