Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
