You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
