Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
