It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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