Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
