i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
