Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
