Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
