Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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