does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
