if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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