My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
