No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
