Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
God, I missed his penis.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
