with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
