fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
