A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
