nutella sex= disaster
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
