Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
