i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
