It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
pray to the hookup gods
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
soo... how was my night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
