i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
