I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
