I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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