Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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