I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
