I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
