Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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