You're completely useless in the revolution.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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