I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
