I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
