ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
