You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
