I puked a lego.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
