Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
