I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
