Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
