we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
