Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My pussy is not your playground.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
