Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
