I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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