I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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