I need help removing her.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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