her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
