The maid of honor just puked.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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