Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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