connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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